Tower Of Babel

Dictionary:
The vocabulary of Shadowlandian was enough to translate most of the text except the following words borrowed from other dialects:

• busn- (SV) = to scatter (however adjective "scattered" is in LOS)

• ghugsh- (SV) = to happen

• korpaus (MERP) = brick (means "clay", "mud" in Svartiska)

• zurb- (ZA) = to understand

and Bible-specific words:

• Instead of the "Lord" his name "Jehovah" was used, transcribed into BS as "Yahuah"

• Bâbil = Babel, Babylon

• Shinâr = Shinar

General style:

• 3rd person singular ending -at is not used, but 3rd person plural -ut is present

• Infinitive with -at ending is used after modal verbs

• Double negative in "narash kulubul narghugûrz"

• Accusative ending -ish is explicitly used for every object

• Preferable word order is VSO (Verb–Subject–Object) instead of typical SVO (Subject–Verb–Object)

The later two elements add archaic "flavour" to the text, which is nice!

Below I'll analyze every line of text in the manner:
Neo-Black-Speech translation
Literal translation with grammatical information
Backward English "artistical" translation

Grammatical abbreviations used in analysis:

• 3PL – 3rd person plural

• ACC – Accusative case

• ADV – Adverb

• FUT – Future tense

• INF – Infinitive

• PL – Plural

• PST – Past tense

Case endings which are translated into English prepositions (like "-ob" = "of") are not abbreviated.
Errors are marked with different colors:

• bright-red – omitted elements

• dark-red – wrong elements

• green – my replacements for wrong elements

2. Agh ghugshuz, mûlum-kusn ghânsh-ghâra, gimbuzut uzgok-ish uzg-or Shinâr, agh fulguzut tîg

And happen-PST journey-during East-from, find-PST-3PL plain-ACC land-at Shinâr, and dwell-PST-3PL there

And it happened, during the journey from the East, they found a plain at the land Shinâr, and they dwelt there

Line 4 has the most of errors:
4. Agh gashnuzut, "Skât, gâkh-izgu shatorat îmishuz goish, agh lug-ish amut talum-tab nût-ishi; gâkh-izgu largat bugud-ish ash îmishûru, nargâkh-izgu kul bûsnu thark-tala ghâmpûkob."

And say-PST-3PL, "Come, let-we build-INF self-ACC-to-PL city-ACC, and tower-ACC which top-it's sky-in; let-we make-INF name-ACC one self-ACC-for-PL, not-let-we be scattered-PL face-over earth-all-of."

Corrected version:
Agh gashnuzut, "Skât, gâkh-izgu shatorat îmishuz goish, agh lug-ish talum-tab-sha nût-ishi; gâkh-izgu largat bugudish ash îmishûru, nargâkh-izgu kul bûsnu thark-tala ghâmpûkob."

And say-PST-3PL, "Come, let-we build-INF self-ACC-to-PL city-ACC, and tower-ACC top-it's-with sky-in; let-we make-INF name-ACC one self-ACC-for-PL, not-let-we be scattered-PL face-over earth-all-of."

And they said, "Come, let's build ourselves a city, and tower with it's top in the sky; let's make a name for ourselves, (we) don’t let us be scattered over the face of the whole earth."

6. Agh gashnuz Yahuah: "Narhusharz kulut hai ash agh kululûk lâm-ish ash, agh zamal kulat amash ashut krampat; zash narash kulubul narghugûrz, amash-ob thrâgut krampat.

And say-PST Yahuah: "not-doubt-ADV be-3PL people one and be-them-all language-ACC one, and that be-3SG what begin-3PL do-3PL; therefore nothing be-FUT-them not-possible, what-of propose-3PL do-INF.

Colored "kulul" (be-them) should be either replaced with "brusut" (have-they) or replace following "lam-ish ash" with "lam-ob ash" (of one language)

Corrected version:
6. Agh gashnuz Yahuah: "Narhusharz kulut hai ash agh brusutûk lâm-ish ash, agh zamal kulat amash ashut krampat; zash narash kulub narghugûrz, amash-ob thrâgut krampat.

And said Jehovah: "Without a doubt people are one and they all have one language, and that is what they begin to do; therefore nothing will be possible, of what they propose to do.

8. Agh bûsnuzul Yahuah tîg-ghâra thark-tala ghâmpûk-ob, agh puzguzut shatorat goish.

And scatter-PST-them Yahuah there-from face-over earth-all-of, and stop-PST-they build-INF city-ACC

And Jehovah scattered them from there over the face of all the earth, and they stopped to build the city.

Hey!
I really thank you for the analysis, the delight of the linguistics enthusiast. Style, grammar and so on.
I used the original Hebrew as a comparison (my Hebrew is a little rusty, but I can manage somewhat, specially with a dictionary), so I tried to follow Biblical Hebrew word order, so if you want to compare word by word on the original, you'll see... And of course it could only be possible with the -ish acc. desinence (the masterkey to "dance with the words", together with other cases desinences).
The major flaws were silly distractions... and talumtabsha was an option I thought of, but chose the other one I put there, bad option of mine it was. hehehe
The trickiest was to deal with the -selves and so flectioning îm- in a way I didn't know what to do... But it seems I succeded till some point...

And actually, Yahuah is one of the possible renderings of the tetragrammaton YHWH, a quite literal one (using the consonants as mater lectionis and stuff). Similar to Yahweh, but BS don't have e, and Yahwah would go because of w, so Yahuah fits very well in BS phonotactics, as long as I know (and I myself as an amateur Hebraist/Arabist/Semiticist believe it's the proper pronunciation of The Name). And Jehovah (Yehowah) is a usage of putting the vowels of Adonai (Lord) into Y-H-V-H stem. Buuuut I was too long on it, sorry, I really love those things.

Anyway, for me BS fits in these old Middle-East texts very well, because it sounds to me very Babylonical, let's say (as the Hurrian thesis says).

I'm thinking of making a Svartiska version